Why I'm Terrified

I have had a lot of time to think over the past few days. I felt very very compelled to write what is written below. Please continue to be in prayer for my family as we tackle the hard times that have been set before us.

I grew up with a school of thought that said divorce was okay. My parents both had previous marriages. Yes, they were faithful to each other before my Mom stepped into eternity, but the big "D" word was always a threat in our household.

I want to say, before I get into this too deeply, that I believe in the covenant marriage. You make a commitment, before God and many witnesses to love someone faithfully until you die. I know that we all make mistakes, and there IS a second chance is Jesus Christ. I have family, and friends who have divorced and are now happily married with God as the center of that family.

And, I do not want to practice for divorce, ever.

I want to get married. It is one of my deepest desires as a woman....

But, I don't want to make the "wrong" choice. Whoever I marry will be influential in the next 60+ years of my life.

I don't want to get married just to be married.

I don't want to get married just to have sex.

I don't want to get married just because I'm in love (although this would be nice).

I want to get married so I can serve God with my husband.

I want to get married because I want to spend the rest of my life with that man.

I want to get married so I can raise up mighty arrows.

I want to get married to be a picture on earth of a heavenly romance between Jesus Christ and His bride.

In all my fear and reservation, God provides peace, thankfully.

Right now, I am single. I am 19 *almost*, and I can do anything I want (inside the will of God, of course). I am serving God in ministry at church, I am encouraging young women through Bible studies, small group ministry, and this blog. I can pursue my hobbies, my passions, and my dreams, without having to worry about the things that a wife and mother does. I am free. 

However, I am honoring that man that will someday take my hand. I am learning skills, lots and lots of them, to equip me better as a wife and mother (and generally in life). I am learning more about who God is, and what His heart looks like on a practical level. I am not infatuated with finding someone.

My gaze is fixed on Jesus Christ. My all in all. He is the ultimate lover of my soul.

No guy could ever come close to that.

I understand that marriage is a big step. We walk by faith and not by sight, and I believe that marriage is the ultimate picture of that verse.

I believe that God provides discernment for the choice of a life partner. Family, friends, and pastoral leadership all have a big impact in the discernment process. So, single sisters, think twice about a guy who doesn't honor your father. Run from a guy who doesn't cherish your heart. Ditch a guy who wants to get to know your body, before your heart. Be smart. God gave you a brain, and His Spirit for a reason. 

As I draw this blog post to an end, I'm reminded of 1 John 4:18:

  "Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love."