He Rejoices? Over Me?

With a rather crummy day under my belt. I feel I am more prepared, both spiritually and emotionally to write a productive blog post, so you can discard my pessimism in the last post. Please, and thank you!

As I mentioned before, Josh, my brave fire fighting, God fearing friend (and no you can’t have his e-mail!) will be writing something here soon. But, I want to share with you what he wrote in a note on Facebook today…but before I do so, I would like to say a few things.

(His perspective will be in the next entry to this blog)

For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs." – Zeph. 3:17

The verse above always, it never fails to, stops me in my tracks. For years, I believed the lie that I was not “rejoiced over” or “wanted”. Peers and others that my family associated with when I was younger, would look upon me with shame, disgrace, and pity. This was all caused by a disorder that I could do nothing about: a disorder, that I let, for years control me.

It controlled my thoughts, every time I looked in the mirror, the way I compared myself to other girls. I always thought, “if only I was prettier” or “if only God would change me, heal me” or “if I was ‘nornal’ they would accept me”.

Again, I failed to look to Jesus (see my post “Feelings Don’t Matter”).

Up until recently when God really changed my heart, and gave me His vision of who I am, I was looking at myself. I knew that God “loved” me, but I always subconsciously associated God’s love as conditional.

How could God love the part of me, that I was angry at Him for creating? Why did He choose to give me this disorder that would cripple my childhood, and make me feel inadequate, ugly, ashamed, unequal, and inferior?

Why?

That would be my question as I went to bed each night, Why Lord? Can’t you just change me? I know You can’t possibly see me any differently than they do, please Father.

I never got an answer to my questions.

I believe that I never got my answers, because I wasn’t looking to the Answer. I was looking to myself again (ah negative pride, Jesus has redeemed you!!). Also, because this is another facet of ministry for me.

BLCLP is life changing; I meet people all the time who ask me about what happened to your mouth? Is it curable? How many surgeries have you had? And that is an opportunity for the Gospel to shine.

By the way, BLCLP (bilateral cleft lip and palate) is curable, and no it doesn’t hurt unless (or until) I have surgery. I’ve had 17 surgeries, and I’m living proof that God is a Healer. When I was an infant, my heart rate dropped drastically from Morphine (which I am now “allergic” to), and I was two months premature, I was under two pounds, they literally had to dress me in doll clothes, I could fit in a grown man’s hand.

Anywho…I digress…

The Bible verse above was a source of healing, justification, redemption, and sanctification for me. I realized that I am a daughter, blessed with every spiritual blessing (Eph. 1:3). I am seated in heavenly places. 

Finally!! The angels in Heaven were probably cheering when the light bulb in my head finally went off.

Well, the King takes delight in us. I hope you caught that in all my jibber jabber. He sees each of us, you, me, your sisters husbands brothers girlfriends sister, as a vessel for His love. We are beloved (just read Song of Solomon to figure it out :*). He rejoices over you with singing. No matter how unworthy you feel, or what you’ve done, and believe me, I’ve done plenty to feel unworthy of His never failing love! 

He is a great God, and we are His children.

We are a bride, waiting in expectation to see our bridegroom. 

That’s what I meant to say in this post.

But, I guess God had other plans.

May His love surround you today/tonight.

In Christ Alone,

Jess