The Relationship Handbook

I had never heard of this concept before, but Jeremy's friend, Sarah (you can find her blog in my "Recommended Blogs" section), introduced me, and I'm hooked!

Since she and her boyfriend are both "perfectionists" by her admittance, she shared with me the idea they came up with called "The Relationship Handbook" (that's my name for it, anyways!).

This is a great tool for not only courting (because I don't believe in our society's norm to date), but married folks too.
See, in the stage I'm in where you are just getting to know someone this binder helps you to remember all those little things about the other person. For example, their love language, their strengths, habits, likes and dislikes.
The idea can in some ways be rooted to Fireproof, where Caleb is given the assignment to study his wife as if he were still courting her.
And, this binder really helps us remember all those little details that sometimes get swept away with responsibility and the chaos of life.
It can include anything you'd like. I'm just starting on Jeremy and I's and here's some of the things I have (in no particular order):

1)Love Language
2)Apology Language
3)Conflict Resolution (still to be discussed and finalized, a "protocol" to follow when conflict arises between the two of you)
4)All About Jeremy (include fun facts and things you need to remember)
5)Date Ideas (yes, even though we're 10 hours apart, I still made this a priority, it's not always going to be this way!)
6)His Day (ideas/things he'd like to do on days that are designated for me to learn about him, and how to better serve him).
7)Gift Ideas
8)Surprise Ideas
9)Ways to Respect Him
10)Communication Practice (I put this behind conflict resolution, while he's more bold and out front about things, I'm reserved, so this was important for me to figure out ways to improve in this area.).


Like I said, it's still a work in progress, and I'm currently at work, so I can't take pictures of it yet. I have to decorate it, after all. :)
Hope this helps those of you who've been together a short time, and those of you who are married and growing old together!

And again, a HUGE thank you to Sarah for sharing this idea with me! It helps to shape your relationship into the BEST it can be!

New Beginnings In Christ

With spring we associate new beginnings. This is especially true in my own life. It's funny how God can close one door, then open another. 

 “And if you faithfully obey the voice of the Lord your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth. ² And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you obey the voice of the Lord your God. ³ Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the field. ⁴ Blessed shall be the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground and the fruit of your cattle, the increase of your herds and the young of your flock. ⁵ Blessed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl.⁶ Blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out.

⁷ “The Lord will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before you. They shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways. ⁸ The Lord will command the blessing on you in your barns and in all that you undertake. And he will bless you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. ⁹  The Lord will establish you as a people holy to himself, as he has sworn to you, if you keep the commandments of the Lord your God and walk in his ways. ¹⁰ And all the peoples of the earth shall see that you are called by the name of the Lord, and they shall be afraid of you.¹¹ And the Lord will make you abound in prosperity, in the fruit of your womb and in the fruit of your livestock and in the fruit of your ground, within the land that the Lord swore to your fathers to give you. ¹² The Lord will open to you his good treasury, the heavens, to give the rain to your land in its season and to bless all the work of your hands. And you shall lend to many nations, but you shall not borrow. ¹³ And the Lord will make you the head and not the tail, and you shall only go up and not down, if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God, which I command you today, being careful to do them," -Deuteronomy 28:1-13

New beginnings, or starting over, if you will, is a constant throughout the Bible. Sometimes we miss just how redemptive our God is. See, He likes making things new, He wants to wipe away our tears.

 "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” -Revelation 21:4

 We've all fallen short of God's standards. However, there is hope in the Cross. We can't say God is redemptive, and not point to the Cross as the ultimate example. At the Cross, we sinners, can come, and be cleansed and washed clean of our iniquity. Not only that, but through the blood shed on Calvary we receive a destiny that is literally out of this world, through Jesus Christ we have all the riches in glory. Hallelujah!
God is just, and we do have consequences for the mistakes we make. Yet, there is hope. See, even though sometimes we screw up, and we suffer terribly because of it, we have God. 
All we have to do is trust in Jesus.
I know I've grown up in church, I heard all the stories, sang all the songs. Yet, each of us has to come to a point where we say "I'm really insignificant and messed up. I need God. I need Jesus, because I can't do any of this on my own."
That's where it all starts.
Each day is a new beginning, and is an opportunity to turn from our fallen sin filled culture, and be transformed and renewed by the God who made the mountains and still knows how many hairs are on our heads.
So with this new season ahead of us, let us be reminded that our God is doing a new thing; not only in the weather department, but let Him make a new heart within you.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead," -1 Peter 1:3

Let Jesus consume your heart and life. 
You can start again, today.




Happy First Day of Spring. :)

Matters of the Heart

We've all heard the popular saying "A woman's heart should be so lost in God, that a man must seek Him to find her."

This quote holds more merit than I think we realize.

At face value, it seems like a nice idea, and many women live by this principal. However, I have a challenge for you ladies today. Be that woman.

Be the woman who loves God so much, that nothing can come between you and God. Be the woman who seeks God's best, and doesn't just settle for second rate. Be the woman who is walking in His will. Dare to be the woman who is set apart.

I got a tough lesson after a really painful break up, and I am determined not to have history repeat itself.

The Bible places an emphasis on guarding our hearts, and purity, and single-mindedness. So, why do we so often as women of God often loose this focus of "my heart, God''s home."?

See, I rely daily on God's grace. I can't get through one day, one minute, one second, without Him. And, I know it's cliche but it's true, when God is all you have, you really do have all you need.

No guy can ever fill that God shaped hole in your heart.

Know who you are in God first, love God, and make Him known, spread His joy within you to those who desperately need it...

Then, and only then will God bring someone into your life that's worth loving with your whole heart.

I know that you may think it does, but sex does not equal love. Guard your heart, and your body. Wait. I promise you, that you will save yourself so much heartache if you do. 

Set boundaries, and set them high. It's hard to wait, and keep certain things a mystery, but it's even harder to regret. And anything that you don't share, emotionally or physically will only be more special within the holy and God honoring covenant of marriage.

I've had conversations with girls who don't see the point in waiting for a godly guy, because they don't see any around them. 

But, just because you can't see your future spouse, doesn't mean that God can't.

So, guard your tongue, emotions, heart, and body for the One.

God will not only bless you, but your spouse will thank you.

After prayer, and fasting from guys for almost 40 days now, I have made a solid commitment to God, not to kiss another man until I have a wedding band on my hand, and we are husband and wife, on my wedding day.

It's not going to be easy, God never guarantees that, however it will be worth it.

So, I can think of no better way to end this post than with a daily dose of Lecrae by yours truly.

The Courtship Perspective

A pastor that I have heard about several times, posted this to Facebook, and I thought it was great, so I'm sharing. Enjoy.

So I am writing a note on this to bring to light some of the things God has ministered to me relating to how Christian singles can enter boldly into a place and understand if they are in a God-honoring relationship before marriage and how to attain such a relationship. A lot of people have asked me questions on this topic the last 3 months, probably more than how to prophecy, or release anointing, or "see" in the Spirit.

While I do not pretend to be the expert on the matter, some of the most powerful encounters with young people I have had over the last 12 years is related to this topic. I have experienced the heartbreak of illicit and godless relationships tearing away precious saints from their path only to watch them go through tragedy after tragedy and fall by the wayside. Thank the Lord for ransom, redemption, and rescue! I have watched Spirit filled young people with the best intentions enter into relationships with one another and because they lacked protocol and knowledge on how to honor God in their courtship, become a casualty of less, when God wanted so much more.

Hell is after the power of covenant. Covenant with God is powerful. Covenant with people is powerful. Covenant is powerful! God requires that intimacy flows through covenant, it is a gate of intimacy. Intimacy without covenant leads to shame, while Intimacy in covenant strengthens. I am not talking solely about sexual intimacy although that is the highest form of intimacy between two people in the context of marriage. Areas of intimacy can only extend as far as is permissible to the covenant between parties.

Young people have approached me with "interests" and desperately wanted to understand their attraction to someone and yet where afraid they lacked basic skills to protect themselves and the other person in case it was not a right fit for marriage covenant. So here we go:

1. Dating: If you look up the definition of dating, you will see that it appears harmless enough. However upon further examination you will see that in the 1920's, "dating" turned into more of an expected social norm between many people than its role in the 1800's, which was to find a marriage partner. Dating is defined as a "form" of courtship. This reminds me a "form of godliness" but denying the power thereof. Dating would be a form of courtship, denying the "purpose" thereof.

Of course we are not ignorant of such evil devices, that the enemy of God looks to simply twist something good and turn it in to a big diversion. If the enemy can get in at the beginning with a minor change, the end result will look drastically different.

I often tell people, dating teaches you how to divorce. So, in the 1800's, courtship was the norm, a young person would prepare their lives, and be prepared by family to be ready for marriage, and then begin to court someone of notable character, leading to a marriage without comparison, and full of purpose. But in the early to mid 1900's, dating because social, and people were expected to date lots of people. They would date and break-up and date and break-up, leaving emotional baggage such as rejection and un-forgiveness as part of their “life luggage”. They would find "true love" after a while, marry and find themselves unable to sustain covenant because of being ill prepared and being so deceived. After a while since little emphasis was placed on the importance of covenant, they would divorce, leave the marriage as half a person, and then go on to try it again with someone else to many times a similar end. The children would be in this tragedy, to question everything including their own involvement, their purpose, and reason for their existence. The children would grow up, and like their parents, enter into the same destructive cycle that has befallen our culture.

This has morphed yet again, and now we have "casual sex" and the ever cheapening of God's purpose on the earth expressed in Family.

Do you see how the little change in the front end led us to such a drastic shift in culture? Now, we have hurt people hurting people and established system that has invaded our schools, our teens, our young adults, our court system, and touches every avenue of our culture.

God is restoring covenant in the family

Some of this starts in courtship. So I want to spend more time talking about the power and enjoyment of the wonderful experience of courtship over the pitfalls of dating.

I can speak of my experience.

When I met my wife Coral, I had a supernatural encounter with God that changed me. The Lord spoke to me as He highlighted her, and I knew she was to be my wife. I felt the need to make my purposes clear to her and told her on the 2nd date that I was after her hand in marriage. She had not had the same encounter with God regarding me as I had regarding her, so this was a little abrupt (I now teach against this kind of premature heart sharing). Sharing my intentions so early proved to be a misstep that led to months of a desperate pursuit to win her over. During those times, it was God’s grace (enabling capacity) that sustained me. When many men would have given up, I pursued because of the word of God and the love of God that was poured out in my heart. God had given me His daughter, she just did not know it yet.

I approached the situation with some decisions that you need to make before you go into a courtship.

1. No matter what, we will both be better at the end of the process.
   1. That is the power in courtship, both people can come out healthier and stronger than before they begin, the complete opposite of modern “dating”.
2. I will respect and honor her as God’s child and walk in the proper sequence of courtship
3. I will not enter into a physical relationship that could dishonor either of us or more importantly dishonor God, I will do this right.
4. If at any time, God reveals that this is not His perfect will, I will end the courtship and salvage a friendship.
   1. People have said you can never be friends after you “date” someone, but if you are in a courtship that results in parties not heading towards marriage, friendship can be strong after a season.
5. No matter what, we will both be better at the end of the process. (You will notice I mention this twice because of its importance)
6. If this person is not my spouse, then one day, his/her spouse would prefer to thank me, rather than punch me.

We had a pure 2.5 year courtship and tested our relationship in extreme emotional and spiritual conditions as well as physical restraint. We endured tragedy and saw how each other responded, we saw how we handled money, met and began to understand family dynamics (a big part of marriage), got a sense of the future from one another’s perspective, etc.

We knew each other when we walked down that aisle emotionally, spiritually, and were not ready to be joined in covenant physically. We had walked through the proper sequence of courtship, and at any time could have walked out of the relationship being better people and move on towards our individual destiny with little emotional overhaul needed.

But we didn’t, we moved on to enter a joyous union and you know what, after ALL of that preparation, we were shocked that marriage was HARD. You would think that handling a lot of these things (definitely not all) correctly, marriage would be easy, but it is not. Can you imagine how hard it would be without preparation? Ask around 9/10 people out there could tell you since they were probably not adequately prepared for marriage. As a child of God, you have to be led by Holy Spirit as you find, court, and marry your spouse. You must be ready to be obedient.

Emotional Fasting in courtship-

This is something that Holy Spirit instituted in my courtship season with Coral. This was my experience and I am not setting it as principle. One day, Holy Spirit spoke to me about taking a week and fasting from Coral. I will never forget that conversation with her. I remember her replying, “We can’t even talk on the phone!?”…and I was almost ready to fold at that moment but had to stay true to what God was saying. “No, we have to spend a week away and get out of our emotions and hear from God if we are to continue down this path together”. This was hard, I was dying on the inside as this was 6 months into our courtship and God had already revealed to me that we were to be married. We would do this several more times throughout the 2.5 years. It was a hard week, but after the first few days, my emotions took their rightful place and I was able to hear God on the issue, able to disconnect from my relationship and future planning and hear God’s heart on the matter. By day 5, God could have said to me, “End the courtship” and I would have been able to do it with minor heartbreak. These fasting times were one of the most powerful times of our courtship and happened as late as a week before our wedding.

Testing before marriage

I believe in this also. Courtship should have tests. You should test your courtship. One week before our wedding, I went up into the woods of Tennessee My goal? To find an good reason to not marry my wife. If there was any reason that I could find for why we should not be married since I have met her family, worshipped with her, made plans with her, etc. I would end the courtship. I needed a week, because it took 4 days to get out of the emotions of it and on the 5th day I knew that God was in our courtship and was endorsing our marriage. I looked throughout the word knowing the calling on my life (a 2.5 year conversation that we walked through together) and let Holy Spirit speak to me.

The last 2 days were me celebrating and thanking God for preparing me to marry this wonderful daughter of the King. One week later on my spiritual birthday 4/13/07 we were married. God was in our marriage and at our wedding in a powerful way. Although it was a week of Thunderstorms, our Friday wedding was the most beautiful day I remember (important since it was open-air at the beach). The Lord shined down on us because we were faithful to His process and rewarded our faithfulness by being involved in our marriage in a mighty way.

Blessings,

Joshua Todd

A Weed In The Church

I recently read "A Weed In The Church", by Scott T. Brown. As someone who's been in youth ministry or involved with it for several years, this book took me by surprise. I highly recommend everyone who reads this blog to pick up a copy, you won't regret it. I will say, however that I at first was shocked by the message this book presented. But, as I went back to the Bible and prayed about it. The points in this book all make sense. So, before you knock it, try it.
Here are my thoughts (yep I posted this on Facebook).

•  This book was recommended for me by a neighbor, and mentor. I reluctantly told her I would read it. I must say that this book has drastically changed my understanding and opinion of age-segregation in Christian churches.

It's a very lengthy book, so I won't give you an outline here (I wrote one out, and if you would like to see it, please contact me)
Below, are some quotes from Brown, and tad-bits from me. :)
The first thing you read when you open this book is a quote by Louis Gaussen in 1840 who was born in Geneva, and later became a pastor.

• "Theology gives the alarm at the first and so often decisive moment when the language of religion among a people begins to decline from the truth and when error, like a rising weed, sprouts and grows into a plant. It then gives timely warning and people hasten to root it out."

This book is a "Biblical examination of modern youth ministry in the churches of Jesus Christ and particularly its emphasis on age segregation," and includes "an appeal to the doctrine of the sufficiency of Scripture for all areas of ministry to youth and provides a Biblical case for comprehensive age integration."
In reading this book, Brown asks the reader to "offer [y]our hearts to the Lord and consult Scripture alone"
Brown states that he was himself a "poster child for modern youth ministry techniques."
He states that over time, he began to realize that "we were losing the of our church, they were worldly, and immature"
In the years following his "revelation" he was fueled by a "return to a cardinal tenet of the Protestant faith, Sola Scriptura (this argues that God's Word alone is sufficient for faith and practice)
Brown then realized that "if I began with Scripture alone, I would have no reason for age segregated Christianity." and "if all I had was the Bible, it would be difficult (if not impossible) to establish the credibility of age segregation.
Brown recognizes something that indeed has been a problem. "Biblical illiteracy is rampant" I completely agree. Youth can be a part of a youth group, without having (or even wanting) to look at, study, or memorize God's Word.
The following are some quotes that I found, and I hope you enjoy. This book was really hard for me to "get into" but I finally did, and am so glad. After many days of praying and studying God's Word on the subjects within the book, I agree with a majority of what he says within the text. While everyone is different, I believe it is a book that should be read with an open heart, and a mind that is focused on discerning the truth.

• "This craving for something better and cooler than God has made youth ministry look like a rock concert, coffee bar, or club rather than the holy people of God. This makeover has twisted the church into a mangled caricature of her real nature as a bride, family, body, pillar, and building."
• "Age segregation has replaced the older mentoring the younger. Church programs have displaced family discipleship."
• "We define biblical youth ministry as the God-ordained methods of youth discipleship that arise from and conform to the Word of God; that promote age-integrated worship, instruction, and fellowship; that blend the diverse ages of God's people in one congregation; that utilize and depend upon parental authority; and that advocate relationships with wise members of the church, which will make youth wise."

The book also touches on other very controversial issues, but I just wanted to share what I learned through this book. (1 Corinthians 13:11) (The homeschooling movement, etc.)
In this analysis of the book, I mean no disrespect, please let me know what you're thoughts are. I look forward to it!

The Benefits

So, I do have a confession to make. I'm one of those "crazies" that is into health smoothies.
Yes, I know you're probably thinking they're gross, they look terrible, and who on earth would drink them....
But....there are so many benefits and good things about smoothies.
I drink two a day, usually one in between breakfast and lunch, and then one between lunch and dinner. I've just started making this whole smoothie deal a big priority in my life. I've been working out, and eating a lot healthier. My body is thanking me immensely. I feel better, and I am reaping the benefits of running and taking care of my body in this way. My motivation is this verse:

"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." -1 Corinthians 6:19-20

I bought a bunch of books before I started this whole thing, because I was doing the Daniel Fast, and wanted some stuff to keep my weight up. Well, I stuck with this. Those books have a ton of really good recipes in them. I know that we "green smoothie" people seem weird, but those smoothies are like crack. I'm not even kidding. They are full of proteins and carbs, a major energy booster. Especially for me, sitting at a sewing machine some days is draining, and these things are a life saver.
I have stopped eating fast food for the most part. Okay, I still go to Starbucks a lot, but other than that I eat at home.
Not only does this whole smoothie thing save me money (there's coupons for the ingredents, and I'm not paying McDonald's to make me a really unhealthy burger), but it makes me feel better that "Hey, I'm doing something that I can be proud of, I'm taking care of the body God gave me."
And for me, there is no better stress reliever or anti-depressant than beating the snot out of a punching bag, and then beasting a mile and a half on the treadmill.
:)
So, if you're new to my blog. Here's an idea...go for a quick run (or do the photo below) and grab a smoothie. God bless. Have a great Saturday y'all.
*Below is a picture of some of the protein products I use*

Lovin' it!

Found these waiting for me today!
I'm very thankful for a wonderful Dad. Thank you so much! :)

Along with a note with the lyrics to this song :)

My Miracle

I felt horribly bad about doing all those pictures on Tuesday. So here's an actual post for this week! I've gone through a lot this week, it's been a whirlwind week, full of ups and downs. But, honestly, I can say that I'm loved by my Creator, and that's all that matters.
I have the -new- Third Day album, and this morning during my work out, I started listening to it. The 9th song is called "I'll Be Your Miracle". And, I've listened to that CD many times before, but this morning that song stuck out to me.
I've had some tough days spiritually and emotionally in the past three months, and this morning I felt really overwhelmed, like nothing was changing and I wasn't getting anywhere. But, God used that song to show me that He really is all I need. 
He will be the One that's standing next to you.
He will be the One who'll help you make it through.

See, I guess God needed to teach me a lesson this morning. That lesson is 1)He really is enough
2) When He closes one door, He opens a better one, 3)He knows what He's doing.

I get so caught up sometimes, that I fail to walk by faith. I see what is around me, the storms of life, the challenges of being in ministry full time, the stress of running a business, the chaos of being a college student, that I forget "God's got this! He holds tomorrow!".
I was once again reminded of all the wonderful things that God has done, just in the past week. He has opened doors, that I thought could never be opened again. He has shown me that with Him all things are possible, if I just believe.

I guess my advice for today is, let God love you. It's simply really, I know. But, it's so true. Don't block Him out of those broken pieces of your heart, He can heal those too. He is a redeemer and a merciful loving Father. Let Him restore your heart, and be washed in the Word. He's your miracle, after all.

This song is another one of their great songs. Enjoy!

 

Photo Tuesday.

Oh, I love Pinterest. These are some of my favorite pictures on some of my boards. Have a wonderful Tuesday ladies!

And, every woman deserves this moment (in my opinion).

 

 

And, I must say that this is the story of my life.

And, I've always liked this picture. 

And finally, this is the unfortunate truth of not living in SC anymore. We don't have Publix here in Mississippi, and I hate Winn Dixie.

No Matter What

I do realize it has been way too long. I let myself down with not updating it enough, but life is crazy right now & I've been incredibly busy! Anyhow, I want to start with one of my favorite verses.

 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart,and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." -Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV)

In my own heart, God's been doing a lot of work. He's been tearing down strong holds and building my faith. However, the biggest thing that God is teaching me to do is trust Him, no matter what.
It's really easy to say that I trust God when I'm standing in front of my church family singing or speaking (sharing my testimony, not teaching). Yet, it can be hard when your doctor tells you that you have 4 more surgeries to undergo, and that it will take you (at the very least) 2 months to recover from each surgery, and then at least another 6 months to finish healing and recovering to prep for the next one. That type of news is life altering.
Even though I got that news a couple of weeks ago, and got in my car and completely broke down, I knew I was going to be okay.
See, my plans for the next year and a half were flipped upside down. Yet, I knew that no matter what God would take care of me.
I've felt His peace, the peace that passes all understanding.
I've known His love when my heart is breaking.
I've drawn from His strength in me when I was hurt.
I've been saved.

Yes, sometimes life absolutely sucks.
There is no way of getting around that.
Sometimes the cards that we are dealt are rather inconvenient and we'd rather trade them in. But, unfortunately we can't.
Why not?
Here's why, because God doesn't just use our good "cards" (situations/life circumstances). He uses every thing, and every day to make us more like Him in every way.
I've been dealt more bad cards than good. But, it doesn't matter.
What matters is, I know that God is good.
I know that He is working EVERYTHING together for my good, and ultimately His glory.

Yes, I lost my mom from cancer, I was a victim of abuse, I have a life altering condition, I am 600 miles away from my Dad 98% of the time, and I am in the hospital/doctors office a good 75% of the time. But, no matter what I will trust in the Lord.


 No matter what.

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39