I Am Stronger Than You Think

For those of you who have just joined the blog, or who do not know me, I hope that this post (and blog) in particular inspires you.

Before I was born, my mom who was 15 was told that I would have spina bifida and would probably not make it to my second birthday. She was asked if she wanted to have an abortion, and told the doctors that I was her daughter, and I deserved life. I was supposed to be born on July 1st, I was born on May 1st. I weighed a pound and seven ounces. I could fit in a grown man's hand. They had to dress me in doll clothes because even the premie dresses wouldn't fit me. It is a miracle from the GOOD Lord that I am even breathing today.

Once I was born, they discovered I did not have spina bifida. Instead, I had (and have) a rather severe bilateral cleft lip and palate. I have had 17 surgeries and will have my 18th in early May (wonderful birthday present [insert sarcasm here]).

Friends, I'm blessed. Each day is a gift.

Many people have told me "you're too small", "you can't beat this", "you are ruined". However, I choose not to believe it.

Yes, I may have a disorder that consumes my daily life with doctors visits every week and frequent trips to the hospital, but this disorder does not define me or who I am. I am not just a patient, I am daughter of the Most High King, I am beloved. I am a sister, daughter, friend, mentor, photographer, musician, dancer, I am Jess. I am NOT this disorder. I am more.

I am strong. By God's grace, I am a survivor.

Before my Mom passed away in 2007 from cancer, she had a pep talk with me. She reminded me of how strong I am, and how I beat the doctors expectations, and how I could change the world, if I only believed in myself, and trusted God. That pep talk was the last real conversation I had with her.

I want to change the world, I want to show the darkness that the Light can't be covered up. I have a hope, and a fire inside of me that I want to use to glorify my Father.

I know God has a BIG and unique calling on my life, and I only recently fully embraced it.

I've been given gifts musically and I have a "one of a kind spirit" (Mrs. Tina wrote that on a card that is taped to my dresser). I have the best medical care on the Gulf Coast, and an amazing church family.

While I've been telling myself, I can't, God has been whispering "You can, just trust in Me". While I have been screaming "Lord, You can't use me, look at me!", He says "I use the simple to confound the wise, and the weak to confound the strong."*

And, after my first year in college, and much prayer, and thought about the economy, I've decided to pursue a dream, a ministry in music. Trust me, I changed my mind and went back and forth a million times, before just surrendering to God's call.

I may not be the best, but Philippians 4:19 says "my God will supply all my lack, according to the riches in Christ Jesus."*

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

And so can you.


* rough paraphrase, grab a Bible and read it :)