Jealousy

Recently, I have been battling the sin of jealousy in my life. As a woman, the media often hypes up what I am supposed to look like, wear, act like, what my career goals should be, and what my life should look like as a 19 almost 20 year old.
I can tell you personally, my life has not turned out the way I planned it to.

In high school, I wanted to become a pharmacist, and now I am pursuing a certification in early childhood education. I have never once let society convince me of my own inadequacy in any other area except physical appearance.

My physical appearance has meant so much to me from a very young age. I am a girl, so yes I will be concerned with how I look. But, my fascination with my appearance was not a good thing. For years, and I still struggle with this -especially recently- overwhelming feeling of betrayal by God. I felt He didn't make me in His image, because how could I be made in His image and have a disorder as I do? God doesn't make mistakes, but I've always felt like I was the exception to that.
I have never intentionally fully smiled in a photo in over 13 years.

Having a cleft lip and palate has made me so jealous, I have sturggled with envy immensly, and of this I am not proud. However, this post needs to be written.

I know that in Christ we are new creations. I know that I was adopted into the Kingdom by a loving Father.
I just struggle with my feeling so inadequate. I loathe looking in the mirror.

I am at a point where I just want to be able to have the freedom to smile and not be stared at continuously by those who have no idea how many surgeries I've had, or what my story is.

I am struggling, I am fighting this.

I would appreciate your prayers tonight.

Reminders of Godly Womanhood

I desire to always be…

• A woman who exudes a quiet dignity and gentle spirit
• A woman who draws attention to God and not myself
• A woman other women can look up to, but not idolize because I’m authentic and transparent about my struggles and victories
• A woman who ushers others into being captivated with Jesus as the lover of their soul
• A woman who brings honor and glory to my King with reverence, never losing my adoration or awe of His majesty
• A woman completely secure and satisfied in the love of my Heavenly Father
• A woman of modesty and mystery
• A woman of purity of heart and mind, protecting innocence without being ashamed of my commitment to set-apartness and holiness
• A woman with an undivided heart, doves eyes
• A woman of action and advocacy for worthy causes and needs
• A woman who can be a sister and a mother to many
• A woman who brings out the heroic masculinity and Christlike identity God has for the men in my generation
• A woman who is sensitive to the Holy Spirit and immediately obedient when I hear His voice, because I recognize and know it already
• A woman that is bold and direct enough to guide and guard men’s hearts away from myself and toward the true desire of their heart- Christ.
• A woman who showcases Christ’s power and who brings the good news to a world in so desperate need of it
• A woman who is wise and understanding but willing to always humbly learn more
• A woman who relies on God for my all, living each day in increasing faith
• A woman who doesn’t need to be noticed or recognized, but only desires that God would be acknowledged, honored, glorified and praised.

Although I wrote this as a reminder for myself, I desire this for all Goldy women. There is so much more than this that God has given me the desire for, and so much more He is calling me to be as a Godly woman.

Even with all this, I keep in mind that, like Paul, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:12-14)

This Week's Goals

I know it's Monday night, but it's never too late to dream another dream, as C.S. Lewis said.  Anyone who knows me knows I love to plan, I love to make lists, and I am a clean freak of sorts.

Here's my goals/to do list for the week:

• Finish Editing the new listings for Etsy shop (Tuesday night)
• Go to tire shop on Hwy 25 to replace tires on Explorer
• Figure up budget for USC v. Florida game
• Plan meals for Jeremy's lunches/dinner
• Can
• Apple Butter
• Pear Butter
• Apple Sauce
• Strawberry Rhubarb
• Organize flea market merch by Friday morning
• Go to Jane's to repair coat
• Finish Nehemiah
• Find a new jar lifter on Craigslist
• Start Packing for Florida
• Photo shoot on Thursday with Kathi

As I look over my list for the week I remember that I must "do the next thing". I often struggle with having so much to do that I get overwhelmed and have a hard time completing tasks/following through. So in light of that, I decided to write down a list of every thing I want/need to get accomplished besides my daily running around, and am coordinating things around my morning routine.

God only requires of us to do today's work. Tomorrow's tasks will still be waiting there for us. Enjoy life. Spend time with your parents. Have lunch with your brother. Just do the next thing, and do it well.

Serve others as if you were serving God. Work for your boss, as if you were working for the Lord. Give each task required your full attention and do your best.

God doesn't expect perfection, none of us are perfect. But you must, try. 

With love and grace,

Jessa

The Courtship Perspective

I posted this before, when my blog was more active, and wanted to repost as food for thought.

A pastor that I have heard about several times, posted this to Facebook, and I thought it was great, so I'm sharing. Enjoy.

So I am writing a note on this to bring to light some of the things God has ministered to me relating to how Christian singles can enter boldly into a place and understand if they are in a God-honoring relationship before marriage and how to attain such a relationship. A lot of people have asked me questions on this topic the last 3 months, probably more than how to prophecy, or release anointing, or "see" in the Spirit.

While I do not pretend to be the expert on the matter, some of the most powerful encounters with young people I have had over the last 12 years is related to this topic. I have experienced the heartbreak of illicit and godless relationships tearing away precious saints from their path only to watch them go through tragedy after tragedy and fall by the wayside. Thank the Lord for ransom, redemption, and rescue! I have watched Spirit filled young people with the best intentions enter into relationships with one another and because they lacked protocol and knowledge on how to honor God in their courtship, become a casualty of less, when God wanted so much more.

Hell is after the power of covenant. Covenant with God is powerful. Covenant with people is powerful. Covenant is powerful! God requires that intimacy flows through covenant, it is a gate of intimacy. Intimacy without covenant leads to shame, while Intimacy in covenant strengthens. I am not talking solely about sexual intimacy although that is the highest form of intimacy between two people in the context of marriage. Areas of intimacy can only extend as far as is permissible to the covenant between parties.

Young people have approached me with "interests" and desperately wanted to understand their attraction to someone and yet where afraid they lacked basic skills to protect themselves and the other person in case it was not a right fit for marriage covenant. So here we go:

1. Dating: If you look up the definition of dating, you will see that it appears harmless enough. However upon further examination you will see that in the 1920's, "dating" turned into more of an expected social norm between many people than its role in the 1800's, which was to find a marriage partner. Dating is defined as a "form" of courtship. This reminds me a "form of godliness" but denying the power thereof. Dating would be a form of courtship, denying the "purpose" thereof.

Of course we are not ignorant of such evil devices, that the enemy of God looks to simply twist something good and turn it in to a big diversion. If the enemy can get in at the beginning with a minor change, the end result will look drastically different.

I often tell people, dating teaches you how to divorce. So, in the 1800's, courtship was the norm, a young person would prepare their lives, and be prepared by family to be ready for marriage, and then begin to court someone of notable character, leading to a marriage without comparison, and full of purpose. But in the early to mid 1900's, dating because social, and people were expected to date lots of people. They would date and break-up and date and break-up, leaving emotional baggage such as rejection and un-forgiveness as part of their “life luggage”. They would find "true love" after a while, marry and find themselves unable to sustain covenant because of being ill prepared and being so deceived. After a while since little emphasis was placed on the importance of covenant, they would divorce, leave the marriage as half a person, and then go on to try it again with someone else to many times a similar end. The children would be in this tragedy, to question everything including their own involvement, their purpose, and reason for their existence. The children would grow up, and like their parents, enter into the same destructive cycle that has befallen our culture.

This has morphed yet again, and now we have "casual sex" and the ever cheapening of God's purpose on the earth expressed in Family.

Do you see how the little change in the front end led us to such a drastic shift in culture? Now, we have hurt people hurting people and established system that has invaded our schools, our teens, our young adults, our court system, and touches every avenue of our culture.

God is restoring covenant in the family

Some of this starts in courtship. So I want to spend more time talking about the power and enjoyment of the wonderful experience of courtship over the pitfalls of dating.

I can speak of my experience.

When I met my wife Coral, I had a supernatural encounter with God that changed me. The Lord spoke to me as He highlighted her, and I knew she was to be my wife. I felt the need to make my purposes clear to her and told her on the 2nd date that I was after her hand in marriage. She  had not had the same encounter with God regarding me as I had regarding her, so this was a little abrupt (I now teach against this kind of premature heart sharing). Sharing my intentions so early proved to be a misstep that led to months of a desperate pursuit to win her over. During those times, it was God’s grace (enabling capacity) that sustained me. When many men would have given up, I pursued because of the word of God and the love of God that was poured out in my heart. God had given me His daughter, she just did not know it yet.

I approached the situation with some decisions that you need to make before you go into a courtship.

1. No matter what, we will both be better at the end of the process.
   1. That is the power in courtship, both people can come out healthier and stronger than before they begin, the complete opposite of modern “dating”.
2. I will respect and honor her as God’s child and walk in the proper sequence of courtship
3. I will not enter into a physical relationship that could dishonor either of us or more importantly dishonor God, I will do this right.
4. If at any time, God reveals that this is not His perfect will, I will end the courtship and salvage a friendship.
   1. People have said you can never be friends after you “date” someone, but if you are in a courtship that results in parties not heading towards marriage, friendship can be strong after a season.
5. No matter what, we will both be better at the end of the process. (You will notice I mention this twice because of its importance)
6. If this person is not my spouse, then one day, his/her spouse would prefer to thank me, rather than punch me.

We had a pure 2.5 year courtship and tested our relationship in extreme emotional and spiritual conditions as well as physical restraint. We endured tragedy and saw how each other responded, we saw how we handled money, met and began to understand family dynamics (a big part of marriage), got a sense of the future from one another’s perspective, etc.

We knew each other when we walked down that aisle emotionally, spiritually, and were not ready to be joined in covenant physically. We had walked through the proper sequence of courtship, and at any time could have walked out of the relationship being better people and move on towards our individual destiny with little emotional overhaul needed.

But we didn’t, we moved on to enter a joyous union and you know what, after ALL of that preparation, we were shocked that marriage was HARD. You would think that handling a lot of these things (definitely not all) correctly, marriage would be easy, but it is not. Can you imagine how hard it would be without preparation? Ask around 9/10 people out there could tell you since they were probably not adequately prepared for marriage. As a child of God, you have to be led by Holy Spirit as you find, court, and marry your spouse. You must be ready to be obedient.

Emotional Fasting in courtship-

This is something that Holy Spirit instituted in my courtship season with Coral. This was my experience and I am not setting it as principle. One day, Holy Spirit spoke to me about taking a week and fasting from Coral. I will never forget that conversation with her. I remember her replying, “We can’t even talk on the phone!?”…and I was almost ready to fold at that moment but had to stay true to what God was saying. “No, we have to spend a week away and get out of our emotions and hear from God if we are to continue down this path together”. This was hard, I was dying on the inside as this was 6 months into our courtship and God had already revealed to me that we were to be married. We would do this several more times throughout the 2.5 years. It was a hard week, but after the first few days, my emotions took their rightful place and I  was able to hear God on the issue, able to disconnect from my relationship and future planning and hear God’s heart on the matter. By day 5, God could have said to me, “End the courtship” and I would have been able to do it with minor heartbreak. These fasting times were one of the most powerful times of our courtship and happened as late as a week before our wedding.

Testing before marriage

I believe in this also. Courtship should have tests. You should test your courtship. One week before our wedding, I went up into the woods of Tennessee My goal? To find an good reason to not marry my wife. If there was any reason that I could find for why we should not be married since I have met her family, worshipped with her, made plans with her, etc. I would end the courtship. I needed a week, because it took 4 days to get out of the emotions of it and on the 5th day I knew that God was in our courtship and was endorsing our marriage. I looked throughout the word knowing the calling on my life (a 2.5 year conversation that we walked through together) and let Holy Spirit speak to me.

The last 2 days were me celebrating and thanking God for preparing me to marry this wonderful daughter of the King. One week later on my spiritual birthday 4/13/07 we were married. God was in our marriage and at our wedding in a powerful way. Although it was a week of Thunderstorms, our Friday wedding was the most beautiful day I remember (important since it was open-air at the beach). The Lord shined down on us because we were faithful to His process and rewarded our faithfulness by being involved in our marriage in a mighty way.

Blessings,

Joshua Todd

Quiet Time Poems

My life has changed tremendously since I last posted on this blog. Honestly, I was hesitant to even look at my old posts. But, with some encouragement from my boyfriend, Jeremy, who I written of occasionally before, I am writing again.

Here is something I've been working on during my quiet time.

The autumn leaves fall
The air grows crisp
You are still Lord of all
Wet dew surrounds me in dawn
Beautiful sunsets at dusk
You carry me on
I see Your wonder in a child's eyes
I remember Your faithfulness
The summer was bitter
Brutal, even
You sustained me
You carried me on
The leaves are falling
Trees growing bare
You come calling to me
"Come away beloved!"
Oh, but why do You call at all?
I am prone to wonder

*more to come*

Your sister in Christ,

Jess

Philippians 1; A Source Of Joy

Pick up your Bible, grab a cup of coffee, and join me in my quest for joy led by Paul the Apostle.
Please read Philippians ch. 1 before reading our study and the questions that follow. There is a link at the bottom of this post that will guide you to this chapter online if you'd like to read it digitally.

Paul begins his epistle, and this chapter with a customary salutation. He follows this with an expression of thanksgiving and prayer for the Philippians.

  "I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy," - v. 3-4

Becuase of the fellowhsip that Paul shared with the church at Philippi, he expresses joy over them and has a confidence that the work the Lord had begun in them, He will complete. Because of their fellowship and his confidence, he prays that their spiritual growth will continue.

"And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment," - v. 9

Paul desire is for them to be sincere, without offense,  filled with the fruits of righteousness, by Jesus. These things he ultimately prays will be of glory and praise to God.

"so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God." - v. 10-11

His circumstances at Rome have actually been for the furtherance of the gospel, despite

imprisonment and opposition by false brethren.  He is confident that everything will turn out 

alright, and that he will even come to them again.  It is not without mixed feelings, however, for he 
is torn between a desire to be with Christ and a realization that to remain in the flesh is more 

needful for them.

Verses 17-25 always stir a longing in my own heart. I find that I often times have to remind myself 

that this life is but a vapor, and eternity is forevermore. I have prayed v. 20, that Christ would be

manifested in me, and this His light would shine in me. If you, reader, take nothing else away from

this study, please take verse 20. Meditate upon it. 

 "according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will not be put to 
shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ will even now, as 
always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death."

Paul had an earnest struggle, he wanted to preach, but he desired to be with the Lord. One can't do both at the same time. He ultimately made the choice that his staying on this earth at that current time was more beneficial to the Gospel. How thankful I am that he was able to bless us with a majority of the New Testament.

He died to his wish, and was obedient to the Lord's will.

  "Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel;" -v.27

 The above strikes a chord within my own heart.

It stirs me to ask the hard questions. Am I really bringing others to knowledge of the Gospel by my speech? What about when I'm not at church, is my conversation with friends or my boyfriend advancing and honoring to the Lord?

I often find that I'm sadly convicted of idle conversation. 

This is one area that I must submit to the Lord, and I'm joyfully reporting that He is gracious to finish what He has begun in my heart.

  "For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake," - v. 29

Paul wanted the church at Philippi to understand the importance of Jesus' words that we must take up our crosses and die to ourselves. We are not to just be believers of the Word, but doers. We must be willing to give up everything and potentially be ridiculed and punished for His name's sake. Because He's worth it.

That is where true joy is found, not in more of ourselves, but in more of Him. 

Here's an outline of the first chapter.

I. INTRODUCTION (1-11)

   A. SALUTATION (1-2)
      1. From Paul and Timothy, servants of Jesus Christ (1a)
      2. To the saints in Christ Jesus who in Philippi, with the 
         bishops and deacons (1b)
      3. Grace and peace from God and Jesus Christ (2)

   B. PAUL'S THANKSGIVING AND PRAYER (3-11)
      1. His thanksgiving for them (3-8)
         a. That every thought, every request in their behalf, is one
            of joy (3-4)
         b. For their fellowship in the gospel from the very first day
            (5)
         c. He is confident that God will complete the work begun in
            them, for they have shared with him in his chains and the
            proclamation of the gospel (6-7)
         d. God is his witness to how much he longs for them with the
            love of Jesus (8)
      2. His prayer for them (9-11)
         a. That their love abound in knowledge and all discernment (9)
         b. That they approve the things that are excellent (10a)
         c. That they be sincere and without offense till Christ 
            returns (10b)
         d. That they be filled with the fruits of righteousness (11)
            1) Made possible by Jesus Christ (11a)
            2) To the glory and praise of God (11b)

II. THE SITUATION IN ROME (11-26)

   A. PAUL'S IMPRISONMENT AND OPPOSITION (12-18)
      1. Imprisonment has actually created opportunities to spread the
         gospel (12-14)
         a. Things have turned out to the furtherance of the gospel, 
            for even among the palace guard it is evident his chains
            are in Christ (12-13)
         b. His example has emboldened others to speak without fear
            (14)
      2. Even opposition has provided opportunity for Christ to be
         preached (15-18)
         a. While some preach Christ out of love and good will, others
            do so with envy and strife, hoping to make things harder
            for Paul (15-17)
         b. Yet Paul rejoices that in every way Christ is preached (18)

   B. PAUL'S EXPECTATION OF DELIVERANCE (19-26)
      1. He knows all will turn out well for his salvation (19-20)
         a. Through their prayers and the help of the Holy Spirit (19)
         b. He is confident that no matter what happens, Christ will be
            magnified (20)
      2. Whether he lives or dies, it will be a blessing (21-23)
         a. To live is Christ, to die is gain (21)
         b. To live will mean fruitful labor, but to depart and be with
            Christ will be far better for him personally (22-23)
      3. Knowing their need of him at the present, he is confident of
         coming to them once again (24-26)

III. EXHORTATION TO STAND FAST (27-30)

   A. STRIVE TOGETHER FOR THE FAITH OF THE GOSPEL (27)
      1. He pleads that their conduct be worthy of the gospel (27a)
      2. So that whether present or absent, he may hear that they are
         standing fast in one spirit, united in their efforts for the
         faith of the gospel (27b)

   B. DO NOT BE TERRIFIED BY YOUR ADVERSARIES (28-30)
      1. For such confidence is not a sign of perdition, but of 
         salvation from God (28)
      2. They have been granted not only to believe in Jesus, but also
         to suffer for Him even as he does (29-30)

Have a blessed week!

His

What does it mean to be His? Here's my answer.
*Part 1 of the Philippians series will be posted tonight. The following has been on my heart today, enjoy!*

I am a sinner, by my own admittance. I am as filthy rags to His judgement. I am mere dust on the floor of a cellar. I have fallen short, very short of the Lord's holy standard. I have belittled the call, not embraced it time and time again. It doesn't take much to see that I am in need of that amazing grace that we sing of on Sunday. I have broken the commandments, and yet I still yearned for His love. My deepest sorrow is remembering my failure before Him. I could be so much better, if only I was kinder. Perhaps more considerate, maybe then He'd feel me adequate enough to save. How about if I was prettier? Would He then find more delight in me? Surely the world sees me as less than attractive, I imagine in His eyes I am but a scoffer, bruised and beaten by the path. I have taken wrong turns, the evidence of these moments of weakness upon my disheveled appearance. Surely, He sees nothing good in me. He can't see anything. No, I won't let Him. I am doomed, and I can not measure up. I am not worthy to even touch His garment. I am but a sinner. He must see my sin stained life, must see the crimson where there should be white.
Oh, but Jesus. I plead His blood over my life! Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. That precious blood!
I am saved by grace, purified by His wounds. I am washed clean, ransom paid. I am the apple of His eye. I am a princess in His Kingdom. I have been redeemed by my Lover. His love has set me free! In His eyes I am worth more than the most precious of stones. I am forgiven, every crimson stain washed white. Oh, hallelujah, white as snow. My greatest joy is seeing His delight upon my white rob, the garment a proof of the Salvation I gained when I took His yoke upon me.
I once yelled "No, Lord you must not see me, I am not worthy!" I ran, I tried to hid from Him. Now I stand before Him. Unashamed, for He has redeemed me.
He declares, "You, you are fearfully and wonderfully made!" And for the first time in my life, I believe it, I embrace His compliment upon the beauty in me. He sees no spot, nor wrinkle on me. He sees me, He delights in me. He loves me. He cares for me. He wants me. His banner over me is love.Yet, this love, it is not because of me. It could never be. Didn't you know? I am filthy apart from Him. Yet, He redeemed me. How be it so? Jesus.The Cross, the place where His Son. Only son, mind you, was left to die. The soldiers beat Him until He was unrecognizable, and the people scoffed at Him, for the were sure He couldn't save them. For if He could save them, He would save Himself first. His blood served as the ransom for all the worlds sin.Now, the empty tomb. It is my beloved's treasure. Death does not part us. Oh, He is alive in me. When He rose on the third day, He left with a promise to return unto me.
He is the prize of all eternity.His blood is what the Father sees when He looks upon me, not my own iniquity. It is only because of Jesus, that I am of the Father. I am seated in heavenly places.
Redeemed. Forgiven. Dearly loved. Clothed in righteousness.
I am His.

Update

In the weeks past, I've contemplated deeply the future of this blog, and of my presence in the online blogging world. I have gone from being able to think of a subject, to assuming it wasn't good enough, to giving up on it. Thus, I have had a poor few weeks in the blogsphere. Plus, I was admitted to the ER on Monday night after a brain injury, it's a wonder my grammar and typing abilities are sufficient without severe spell check correction.
Anyhow, I digress.
I have an expository series ready here on the blog. We will be diving into the book of Philippians. It's one of my favorite books, and I think it will provide us all with great instruction and encouragement.
We will start it today, going through chapter 1 and will do a chapter a week.
I will be having surgery on Tuesday so I will write out the blogs and have them scheduled to be published so you don't miss out on our study because of my recovery.
Plus, my friend Josh, who has provided his perspective here before, will be joining us to do a segment on the Refiner's Fire. *He is a fire fighter, pun intended*
I will also be having other guest writers give their perspectives. You, dear reader, are in for a treat!

Lattice Top Chicken

I discovered this recipe today. I am currently nannying for a wonderful woman who my family is very close to. She left me the ingredients and directions for this yummy casserole.

1 Can of Cream of Chicken
1 Cup Milk
1/2 tsp Durkee Seasoned Salt
2 cups cubed cooked chicken
1 bag frozen brocolli, carrotts, cauliflower veg combo
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 can French's fried onions
1 cup bread crumbs

Combine soup, milk, seasoned salt, chicken, 1/2 cup cheese, and 1/2 can of onions; Place in 8x12 inch baking dish. Bake covered @ 375 for 20 minutes, add 1/2 cup onions, bake for additional 15 minutes. Add cheese and bread crumbs bake additional 3-5 minutes or until brown.
Enjoy!

A Letter To My Mom

For those of you who may be new to my blog, or perhaps don't know my story, my Mom stepped into eternity in late 2007 after fighting Stage 4 Lung Cancer and 5 brain tumors. I still miss her every day. I am thankful for those who have walked me through the healing process, and for those who took me in as their daughter and loved me during that rough time in my life.

Mom,

As I sit here, drinking my coffee, I think back to you and all the good times we had. It has been almost 5 years, but honestly it still hurts like yesterday. You taught me so much about life, and there are no words that can express my thanks to you enough. Please know that the things you enstilled in me have not gone astray. I hope that someday I can be half the wife and mother that you were to Dad and I. The strength I find in the tough times, I believe, is in part because of you. You were so strong, even up until your last night with us. You were a fighter, and I thank God every day for you teaching me never to give up. You never let me have a huge pity party because of my illness and yet you never condemned when I was feeling less than adequate. I'll never forget Dad and I sitting on the couch and him telling me you were sick. I felt like the world had ended, the one person who'd always been my Rock and my example of strength, dignity, and grace was now not so strong. The doctors told us that you wouldn't make it until Christmas, you didn't even make it to Thanksgiving. My heart still aches as I think about how sick you were, yet you refused to let anyone see your weakness. I guess that's the biggest thing I've learned since you stepped into eternity, let others see your weakness. You always told me that someday some really lucky man was going to come into my life and be everything that Dad was to you, and you were right. Jeremy is beyond what I could've hoped for. I have you to thank for teaching me never to settle for second rate. I know that you loved God with all your heart, and I praise Him for that, and for you teaching me about Him. Honestly, I know people say that they have the best Mom, but you really were. Not only were you an amazing friend, you were an amazing mentor, just ask anyone who worked with you. Your legacy still lives on. I miss you, but I can't wait to see you someday very soon. You are not forgotten. 

Love you,

Jessi

Love

I figured since I referenced Jeremy in my last blog post, I should probably bring you dear readers up to date. I try to focus on ministry not my personal life here, but I feel that this IS a ministry, so I felt comfortable spilling the beans to you ladies!

I am now in a courtship with a wonderful guy. 

Yay for love! :)

Jeremy and I pretty much ignored each other for about 8 months. Kinda funny, actually. 

He is a bit taller than I am. Those of you who know who I am personally will laugh at this. I find it miraculous that we agree about almost everything from a doctrinal and theological standpoint. Plus, the man is romantic, and what girl would pass that up? 

But, I guess the thing that attracted me most to Jeremy, and led me to say "Yes! Absolutely!" to him, was his love for God. I knew he would love God more, and that was something that I felt very strongly that I wanted in a potential husband.

Thank you God, for this new season, and for bringing such a great man after Your heart into my life. May we look to You alone and pursue Your will alone. Give him strength to lead me to Your throne of grace, and grant me the joy to submit and serve him whenever possible. May others see You, and Your love, and Your glory through us. I pray that we would walk in purity and sincerity. You have set us apart, and I pray that we would not take the call of Christ upon our lives for granted. Help us to serve You alone, help us to start a legacy of love founded upon Your Son. Be the center of our lives, and our relationship. Help us to evaluate our hearts and lives in accordance to Your Word, and make changes if we need to. Provide me with a heart of acceptance and humility to respect him in a way that is honoring to him, and encourages him; not only as a brother in Christ, but as a boyfriend. Help me to honor him, not only with the words I speak, but by the condition of my heart towards him. Lord, be near to us.

The Relationship Handbook

I had never heard of this concept before, but Jeremy's friend, Sarah (you can find her blog in my "Recommended Blogs" section), introduced me, and I'm hooked!

Since she and her boyfriend are both "perfectionists" by her admittance, she shared with me the idea they came up with called "The Relationship Handbook" (that's my name for it, anyways!).

This is a great tool for not only courting (because I don't believe in our society's norm to date), but married folks too.
See, in the stage I'm in where you are just getting to know someone this binder helps you to remember all those little things about the other person. For example, their love language, their strengths, habits, likes and dislikes.
The idea can in some ways be rooted to Fireproof, where Caleb is given the assignment to study his wife as if he were still courting her.
And, this binder really helps us remember all those little details that sometimes get swept away with responsibility and the chaos of life.
It can include anything you'd like. I'm just starting on Jeremy and I's and here's some of the things I have (in no particular order):

1)Love Language
2)Apology Language
3)Conflict Resolution (still to be discussed and finalized, a "protocol" to follow when conflict arises between the two of you)
4)All About Jeremy (include fun facts and things you need to remember)
5)Date Ideas (yes, even though we're 10 hours apart, I still made this a priority, it's not always going to be this way!)
6)His Day (ideas/things he'd like to do on days that are designated for me to learn about him, and how to better serve him).
7)Gift Ideas
8)Surprise Ideas
9)Ways to Respect Him
10)Communication Practice (I put this behind conflict resolution, while he's more bold and out front about things, I'm reserved, so this was important for me to figure out ways to improve in this area.).


Like I said, it's still a work in progress, and I'm currently at work, so I can't take pictures of it yet. I have to decorate it, after all. :)
Hope this helps those of you who've been together a short time, and those of you who are married and growing old together!

And again, a HUGE thank you to Sarah for sharing this idea with me! It helps to shape your relationship into the BEST it can be!

New Beginnings In Christ

With spring we associate new beginnings. This is especially true in my own life. It's funny how God can close one door, then open another. 

 “And if you faithfully obey the voice of the Lord your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth. ² And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you obey the voice of the Lord your God. ³ Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the field. ⁴ Blessed shall be the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground and the fruit of your cattle, the increase of your herds and the young of your flock. ⁵ Blessed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl.⁶ Blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out.

⁷ “The Lord will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before you. They shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways. ⁸ The Lord will command the blessing on you in your barns and in all that you undertake. And he will bless you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. ⁹  The Lord will establish you as a people holy to himself, as he has sworn to you, if you keep the commandments of the Lord your God and walk in his ways. ¹⁰ And all the peoples of the earth shall see that you are called by the name of the Lord, and they shall be afraid of you.¹¹ And the Lord will make you abound in prosperity, in the fruit of your womb and in the fruit of your livestock and in the fruit of your ground, within the land that the Lord swore to your fathers to give you. ¹² The Lord will open to you his good treasury, the heavens, to give the rain to your land in its season and to bless all the work of your hands. And you shall lend to many nations, but you shall not borrow. ¹³ And the Lord will make you the head and not the tail, and you shall only go up and not down, if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God, which I command you today, being careful to do them," -Deuteronomy 28:1-13

New beginnings, or starting over, if you will, is a constant throughout the Bible. Sometimes we miss just how redemptive our God is. See, He likes making things new, He wants to wipe away our tears.

 "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” -Revelation 21:4

 We've all fallen short of God's standards. However, there is hope in the Cross. We can't say God is redemptive, and not point to the Cross as the ultimate example. At the Cross, we sinners, can come, and be cleansed and washed clean of our iniquity. Not only that, but through the blood shed on Calvary we receive a destiny that is literally out of this world, through Jesus Christ we have all the riches in glory. Hallelujah!
God is just, and we do have consequences for the mistakes we make. Yet, there is hope. See, even though sometimes we screw up, and we suffer terribly because of it, we have God. 
All we have to do is trust in Jesus.
I know I've grown up in church, I heard all the stories, sang all the songs. Yet, each of us has to come to a point where we say "I'm really insignificant and messed up. I need God. I need Jesus, because I can't do any of this on my own."
That's where it all starts.
Each day is a new beginning, and is an opportunity to turn from our fallen sin filled culture, and be transformed and renewed by the God who made the mountains and still knows how many hairs are on our heads.
So with this new season ahead of us, let us be reminded that our God is doing a new thing; not only in the weather department, but let Him make a new heart within you.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead," -1 Peter 1:3

Let Jesus consume your heart and life. 
You can start again, today.




Happy First Day of Spring. :)

Matters of the Heart

We've all heard the popular saying "A woman's heart should be so lost in God, that a man must seek Him to find her."

This quote holds more merit than I think we realize.

At face value, it seems like a nice idea, and many women live by this principal. However, I have a challenge for you ladies today. Be that woman.

Be the woman who loves God so much, that nothing can come between you and God. Be the woman who seeks God's best, and doesn't just settle for second rate. Be the woman who is walking in His will. Dare to be the woman who is set apart.

I got a tough lesson after a really painful break up, and I am determined not to have history repeat itself.

The Bible places an emphasis on guarding our hearts, and purity, and single-mindedness. So, why do we so often as women of God often loose this focus of "my heart, God''s home."?

See, I rely daily on God's grace. I can't get through one day, one minute, one second, without Him. And, I know it's cliche but it's true, when God is all you have, you really do have all you need.

No guy can ever fill that God shaped hole in your heart.

Know who you are in God first, love God, and make Him known, spread His joy within you to those who desperately need it...

Then, and only then will God bring someone into your life that's worth loving with your whole heart.

I know that you may think it does, but sex does not equal love. Guard your heart, and your body. Wait. I promise you, that you will save yourself so much heartache if you do. 

Set boundaries, and set them high. It's hard to wait, and keep certain things a mystery, but it's even harder to regret. And anything that you don't share, emotionally or physically will only be more special within the holy and God honoring covenant of marriage.

I've had conversations with girls who don't see the point in waiting for a godly guy, because they don't see any around them. 

But, just because you can't see your future spouse, doesn't mean that God can't.

So, guard your tongue, emotions, heart, and body for the One.

God will not only bless you, but your spouse will thank you.

After prayer, and fasting from guys for almost 40 days now, I have made a solid commitment to God, not to kiss another man until I have a wedding band on my hand, and we are husband and wife, on my wedding day.

It's not going to be easy, God never guarantees that, however it will be worth it.

So, I can think of no better way to end this post than with a daily dose of Lecrae by yours truly.

The Courtship Perspective

A pastor that I have heard about several times, posted this to Facebook, and I thought it was great, so I'm sharing. Enjoy.

So I am writing a note on this to bring to light some of the things God has ministered to me relating to how Christian singles can enter boldly into a place and understand if they are in a God-honoring relationship before marriage and how to attain such a relationship. A lot of people have asked me questions on this topic the last 3 months, probably more than how to prophecy, or release anointing, or "see" in the Spirit.

While I do not pretend to be the expert on the matter, some of the most powerful encounters with young people I have had over the last 12 years is related to this topic. I have experienced the heartbreak of illicit and godless relationships tearing away precious saints from their path only to watch them go through tragedy after tragedy and fall by the wayside. Thank the Lord for ransom, redemption, and rescue! I have watched Spirit filled young people with the best intentions enter into relationships with one another and because they lacked protocol and knowledge on how to honor God in their courtship, become a casualty of less, when God wanted so much more.

Hell is after the power of covenant. Covenant with God is powerful. Covenant with people is powerful. Covenant is powerful! God requires that intimacy flows through covenant, it is a gate of intimacy. Intimacy without covenant leads to shame, while Intimacy in covenant strengthens. I am not talking solely about sexual intimacy although that is the highest form of intimacy between two people in the context of marriage. Areas of intimacy can only extend as far as is permissible to the covenant between parties.

Young people have approached me with "interests" and desperately wanted to understand their attraction to someone and yet where afraid they lacked basic skills to protect themselves and the other person in case it was not a right fit for marriage covenant. So here we go:

1. Dating: If you look up the definition of dating, you will see that it appears harmless enough. However upon further examination you will see that in the 1920's, "dating" turned into more of an expected social norm between many people than its role in the 1800's, which was to find a marriage partner. Dating is defined as a "form" of courtship. This reminds me a "form of godliness" but denying the power thereof. Dating would be a form of courtship, denying the "purpose" thereof.

Of course we are not ignorant of such evil devices, that the enemy of God looks to simply twist something good and turn it in to a big diversion. If the enemy can get in at the beginning with a minor change, the end result will look drastically different.

I often tell people, dating teaches you how to divorce. So, in the 1800's, courtship was the norm, a young person would prepare their lives, and be prepared by family to be ready for marriage, and then begin to court someone of notable character, leading to a marriage without comparison, and full of purpose. But in the early to mid 1900's, dating because social, and people were expected to date lots of people. They would date and break-up and date and break-up, leaving emotional baggage such as rejection and un-forgiveness as part of their “life luggage”. They would find "true love" after a while, marry and find themselves unable to sustain covenant because of being ill prepared and being so deceived. After a while since little emphasis was placed on the importance of covenant, they would divorce, leave the marriage as half a person, and then go on to try it again with someone else to many times a similar end. The children would be in this tragedy, to question everything including their own involvement, their purpose, and reason for their existence. The children would grow up, and like their parents, enter into the same destructive cycle that has befallen our culture.

This has morphed yet again, and now we have "casual sex" and the ever cheapening of God's purpose on the earth expressed in Family.

Do you see how the little change in the front end led us to such a drastic shift in culture? Now, we have hurt people hurting people and established system that has invaded our schools, our teens, our young adults, our court system, and touches every avenue of our culture.

God is restoring covenant in the family

Some of this starts in courtship. So I want to spend more time talking about the power and enjoyment of the wonderful experience of courtship over the pitfalls of dating.

I can speak of my experience.

When I met my wife Coral, I had a supernatural encounter with God that changed me. The Lord spoke to me as He highlighted her, and I knew she was to be my wife. I felt the need to make my purposes clear to her and told her on the 2nd date that I was after her hand in marriage. She had not had the same encounter with God regarding me as I had regarding her, so this was a little abrupt (I now teach against this kind of premature heart sharing). Sharing my intentions so early proved to be a misstep that led to months of a desperate pursuit to win her over. During those times, it was God’s grace (enabling capacity) that sustained me. When many men would have given up, I pursued because of the word of God and the love of God that was poured out in my heart. God had given me His daughter, she just did not know it yet.

I approached the situation with some decisions that you need to make before you go into a courtship.

1. No matter what, we will both be better at the end of the process.
   1. That is the power in courtship, both people can come out healthier and stronger than before they begin, the complete opposite of modern “dating”.
2. I will respect and honor her as God’s child and walk in the proper sequence of courtship
3. I will not enter into a physical relationship that could dishonor either of us or more importantly dishonor God, I will do this right.
4. If at any time, God reveals that this is not His perfect will, I will end the courtship and salvage a friendship.
   1. People have said you can never be friends after you “date” someone, but if you are in a courtship that results in parties not heading towards marriage, friendship can be strong after a season.
5. No matter what, we will both be better at the end of the process. (You will notice I mention this twice because of its importance)
6. If this person is not my spouse, then one day, his/her spouse would prefer to thank me, rather than punch me.

We had a pure 2.5 year courtship and tested our relationship in extreme emotional and spiritual conditions as well as physical restraint. We endured tragedy and saw how each other responded, we saw how we handled money, met and began to understand family dynamics (a big part of marriage), got a sense of the future from one another’s perspective, etc.

We knew each other when we walked down that aisle emotionally, spiritually, and were not ready to be joined in covenant physically. We had walked through the proper sequence of courtship, and at any time could have walked out of the relationship being better people and move on towards our individual destiny with little emotional overhaul needed.

But we didn’t, we moved on to enter a joyous union and you know what, after ALL of that preparation, we were shocked that marriage was HARD. You would think that handling a lot of these things (definitely not all) correctly, marriage would be easy, but it is not. Can you imagine how hard it would be without preparation? Ask around 9/10 people out there could tell you since they were probably not adequately prepared for marriage. As a child of God, you have to be led by Holy Spirit as you find, court, and marry your spouse. You must be ready to be obedient.

Emotional Fasting in courtship-

This is something that Holy Spirit instituted in my courtship season with Coral. This was my experience and I am not setting it as principle. One day, Holy Spirit spoke to me about taking a week and fasting from Coral. I will never forget that conversation with her. I remember her replying, “We can’t even talk on the phone!?”…and I was almost ready to fold at that moment but had to stay true to what God was saying. “No, we have to spend a week away and get out of our emotions and hear from God if we are to continue down this path together”. This was hard, I was dying on the inside as this was 6 months into our courtship and God had already revealed to me that we were to be married. We would do this several more times throughout the 2.5 years. It was a hard week, but after the first few days, my emotions took their rightful place and I was able to hear God on the issue, able to disconnect from my relationship and future planning and hear God’s heart on the matter. By day 5, God could have said to me, “End the courtship” and I would have been able to do it with minor heartbreak. These fasting times were one of the most powerful times of our courtship and happened as late as a week before our wedding.

Testing before marriage

I believe in this also. Courtship should have tests. You should test your courtship. One week before our wedding, I went up into the woods of Tennessee My goal? To find an good reason to not marry my wife. If there was any reason that I could find for why we should not be married since I have met her family, worshipped with her, made plans with her, etc. I would end the courtship. I needed a week, because it took 4 days to get out of the emotions of it and on the 5th day I knew that God was in our courtship and was endorsing our marriage. I looked throughout the word knowing the calling on my life (a 2.5 year conversation that we walked through together) and let Holy Spirit speak to me.

The last 2 days were me celebrating and thanking God for preparing me to marry this wonderful daughter of the King. One week later on my spiritual birthday 4/13/07 we were married. God was in our marriage and at our wedding in a powerful way. Although it was a week of Thunderstorms, our Friday wedding was the most beautiful day I remember (important since it was open-air at the beach). The Lord shined down on us because we were faithful to His process and rewarded our faithfulness by being involved in our marriage in a mighty way.

Blessings,

Joshua Todd

A Weed In The Church

I recently read "A Weed In The Church", by Scott T. Brown. As someone who's been in youth ministry or involved with it for several years, this book took me by surprise. I highly recommend everyone who reads this blog to pick up a copy, you won't regret it. I will say, however that I at first was shocked by the message this book presented. But, as I went back to the Bible and prayed about it. The points in this book all make sense. So, before you knock it, try it.
Here are my thoughts (yep I posted this on Facebook).

•  This book was recommended for me by a neighbor, and mentor. I reluctantly told her I would read it. I must say that this book has drastically changed my understanding and opinion of age-segregation in Christian churches.

It's a very lengthy book, so I won't give you an outline here (I wrote one out, and if you would like to see it, please contact me)
Below, are some quotes from Brown, and tad-bits from me. :)
The first thing you read when you open this book is a quote by Louis Gaussen in 1840 who was born in Geneva, and later became a pastor.

• "Theology gives the alarm at the first and so often decisive moment when the language of religion among a people begins to decline from the truth and when error, like a rising weed, sprouts and grows into a plant. It then gives timely warning and people hasten to root it out."

This book is a "Biblical examination of modern youth ministry in the churches of Jesus Christ and particularly its emphasis on age segregation," and includes "an appeal to the doctrine of the sufficiency of Scripture for all areas of ministry to youth and provides a Biblical case for comprehensive age integration."
In reading this book, Brown asks the reader to "offer [y]our hearts to the Lord and consult Scripture alone"
Brown states that he was himself a "poster child for modern youth ministry techniques."
He states that over time, he began to realize that "we were losing the of our church, they were worldly, and immature"
In the years following his "revelation" he was fueled by a "return to a cardinal tenet of the Protestant faith, Sola Scriptura (this argues that God's Word alone is sufficient for faith and practice)
Brown then realized that "if I began with Scripture alone, I would have no reason for age segregated Christianity." and "if all I had was the Bible, it would be difficult (if not impossible) to establish the credibility of age segregation.
Brown recognizes something that indeed has been a problem. "Biblical illiteracy is rampant" I completely agree. Youth can be a part of a youth group, without having (or even wanting) to look at, study, or memorize God's Word.
The following are some quotes that I found, and I hope you enjoy. This book was really hard for me to "get into" but I finally did, and am so glad. After many days of praying and studying God's Word on the subjects within the book, I agree with a majority of what he says within the text. While everyone is different, I believe it is a book that should be read with an open heart, and a mind that is focused on discerning the truth.

• "This craving for something better and cooler than God has made youth ministry look like a rock concert, coffee bar, or club rather than the holy people of God. This makeover has twisted the church into a mangled caricature of her real nature as a bride, family, body, pillar, and building."
• "Age segregation has replaced the older mentoring the younger. Church programs have displaced family discipleship."
• "We define biblical youth ministry as the God-ordained methods of youth discipleship that arise from and conform to the Word of God; that promote age-integrated worship, instruction, and fellowship; that blend the diverse ages of God's people in one congregation; that utilize and depend upon parental authority; and that advocate relationships with wise members of the church, which will make youth wise."

The book also touches on other very controversial issues, but I just wanted to share what I learned through this book. (1 Corinthians 13:11) (The homeschooling movement, etc.)
In this analysis of the book, I mean no disrespect, please let me know what you're thoughts are. I look forward to it!

The Benefits

So, I do have a confession to make. I'm one of those "crazies" that is into health smoothies.
Yes, I know you're probably thinking they're gross, they look terrible, and who on earth would drink them....
But....there are so many benefits and good things about smoothies.
I drink two a day, usually one in between breakfast and lunch, and then one between lunch and dinner. I've just started making this whole smoothie deal a big priority in my life. I've been working out, and eating a lot healthier. My body is thanking me immensely. I feel better, and I am reaping the benefits of running and taking care of my body in this way. My motivation is this verse:

"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." -1 Corinthians 6:19-20

I bought a bunch of books before I started this whole thing, because I was doing the Daniel Fast, and wanted some stuff to keep my weight up. Well, I stuck with this. Those books have a ton of really good recipes in them. I know that we "green smoothie" people seem weird, but those smoothies are like crack. I'm not even kidding. They are full of proteins and carbs, a major energy booster. Especially for me, sitting at a sewing machine some days is draining, and these things are a life saver.
I have stopped eating fast food for the most part. Okay, I still go to Starbucks a lot, but other than that I eat at home.
Not only does this whole smoothie thing save me money (there's coupons for the ingredents, and I'm not paying McDonald's to make me a really unhealthy burger), but it makes me feel better that "Hey, I'm doing something that I can be proud of, I'm taking care of the body God gave me."
And for me, there is no better stress reliever or anti-depressant than beating the snot out of a punching bag, and then beasting a mile and a half on the treadmill.
:)
So, if you're new to my blog. Here's an idea...go for a quick run (or do the photo below) and grab a smoothie. God bless. Have a great Saturday y'all.
*Below is a picture of some of the protein products I use*